Peeves About Society's Unfortunate Attitude about Infidelity

Anyone who knows me (online or offline) is aware that one of my hot buttons is infidelity.   My stance is that there is no excuse for cheating and those who do it and justify it have a personal flaw--and it's not the state of being a male.  I think it bothers me so much because I can't imagine ever compromising my own integrity and character to do something like that to someone.   My word is bond, man, and if I say that I'm going to be faithful and true to my husband, that's what I mean.  I expect the same respect and devotion.   With me, there is no TRY not to cheat.  Faithfulness should be a given as part of the deal. 

Last night after I listened to a blog radio show about Geeky Women, I sat through one about infidelity.  The topic was Cheating: Why Are Women Sooo Forgiving?   If interested, start at about the 13 minute mark.   The first several minutes are off topic introductory type conversations.

One thing that really annoys me about infidelity discussions like this is that there is NEVER any talk about how to take proactive measures to avoid getting into compromising situations. Men, especially, just seem to act like they just fall on top of a woman who is not their wife.  No, it takes steps to get to the point where you're in a bed (or backseat of a car, whatever) with a strange woman.  It doesn't matter how many fine women are out here---she's not going to just drop her clothes on the spot and get down.  It takes some planning to get from hello to headboard.  I say that infidelity is a highway, not a sidestreet:  There are many opportunities to exit.......





You can stop things before you give out your phone number or accept hers if you know upfront that you are attracted to her in that way.

And if an unsafe attraction develops after the fact, delete her number or change yours.  Block her on Facebook.

Set personal limits on what you talk about with her instead of discussing your marital problems.

You can refuse to go on lunch dates alone with her if you know that there is potential for you to form or deepen an emotional connection.

You can start looking for another job or request to work in a different department if you think you can't control yourself.   Instead of feeding into her advances, tell her that you'll report her for sexual harassment if she continues to push up on you.

Tell her that you have a wife and you wouldn't do anything to destroy your marriage.

(And I'm aware that in most cases it's likely the man who is throwing bones and seeing if she'll bite)

But it seems that men don't really WANT to prevent cheating.  If it happens, then it's an 'oops.'  They have to keep the door open just in case they want to take that one shot.  They only want to talk about how to work through it AFTER it happens.

Infidelity isn't like a slip of a curse word.  It starts with a thought.  Why don't men as a whole start there?   If you're fantasizing about other women, then it's going to be easier to actually go through with it when tempted.  I personally think adult movies and such as cheating, but I know lots of women don't.  We won't go there right now, but the point is that if this type material has you lusting after women in real life....then stop it.   If you can't help but flirt with women when away from your wife, then stay in the house.  If there is a woman at work that you are compulsively drawn to, stay away from her instead of hanging around her cubicle and trying to get her alone for lunch every chance you get.

How is that so difficult if you love your woman and family?

I think women are a big part in why men feel like they should be excused for their indiscretions, but that's another post.

pic source: Madamenoire.com


The point of this post is to say that if men have such a huge problem with being faithful, why isn't there more discussion among MEN about taking measures to remain faithful to their women?   Why aren't there radio shows entitled Men: How Can We Honor Our Promise to Be Faithful?  or  Ways We Men Can Avoid Temptation and Keep Our Families. If men themselves say that it's so hard to be monogamous, then why aren't there widespread support groups for men to learn tools and strategies to keep their minds together?  Like 12-step programs or something? 

Cheating among men is treated like something that's inevitable and not so serious and it seems that they don't really want to be faithful.  If I wanted to be committed to my partner and family, I would do whatever it took to not jeopardize it by being involved in an outside fling, and men EXPECT that from their women but don't hold the same standards for themselves--which is why society's attitude upsets me so.

I know this focused on men, and believe me, I'm just as passionate when it comes to women who cheat and have unsuspecting men raising children that may not be theirs.

And just to reiterate:  I understand that people might be attracted to other people even if they are married.  I understand that you may not always be madly in love with your spouse ALL the time. It's what you do with these feelings and your behavior that makes the difference.  There's always a way out.  If your spouse is so bad, then end things with them first before allowing yourself to start something new.

I just wish it weren't so hard to find people who value their integrity instead of making justifications and excuses for people hurting the ones they supposedly love.